Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Wake me up when September ends

Oh how cliche the title is, but rather apt for me.

Seriously can't wait for September to end even though we are only 3 days in. 3! Why! Feels like forever!

It's one of those days where I don't know what I want with my life. Quarter-life identity crisis? Maybe.

Sometimes I wonder if whatever decisions I make now is right. Like going into PR, a job with plenty of client servicing, lots of writing.

I'm thankful for this job with wonderful bosses and colleagues. Even so, it's been 3 months but I feel like I've not been contributing much. I'm not sure if I'm dragging the team behind, am I learning too slowly etc.

Somehow I scrutinize whatever I have written word for word. I feel like I've become very very rigid in how I write. I can't relax, I can't write casually. My confidence in constructing even one proper sentence is gone.

Then, my confidence in anything and everything just went down south. Like, I can't even write a proper email, what makes me think that I can do this, I can do that?

I began to think of what I want, say 5 years down the road. A very cliche interview question. What do I want to achieve 5 years later? Frankly speaking, I have no idea. Is it laughable if I say I want to become a mom by then? Not that I have any omg-i-love-kids-i-want-them-so-badly-yes-i-must-have-them genes but I've always wanted to start my own family by then. (Perhaps my maternal instincts is showing itself after days and days of reading Mother, Inc.)

Is it normal for a 24-year-old to not know what she wants?

Sigh.

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